How to love yourself without turning it into an idol

We live in a culture that’s constantly preaching self-love. Everywhere you turn, someone’s telling you to protect your peace, put yourself first, and eliminate anything that doesn’t “serve you.” At face value, some of that makes sense—especially for women who’ve spent years pouring into everyone but themselves.

But as Christian women, we need to pause and ask an important question:

Is our version of self-love drawing us closer to God—or quietly pulling us away?

There’s nothing wrong with loving yourself. In fact, Jesus Himself said:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind… and love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39)

That Scripture is clear: loving yourself has a place—but it should never take the place of God; and we should always try to be Humble.

Let’s call it what it is: self-love becomes dangerous when it turns into self-worship. That might sound dramatic, but it happens more subtly than you’d think.

It happens when:

• You prioritize your comfort over God’s conviction
  
  

• You stop praying about decisions because “you know what’s best”
  
  

• You avoid accountability in the name of protecting your peace
  
  

• You walk away from hard relationships that God may be calling you to grow through
  
  

When self becomes the center of your decisions, your healing, and even your faith walk—it’s no longer just “self-love.” It’s idolatry.

“You shall have no other gods before Me.” (Exodus 20:3)

Even if that god… is you.

The Bible gives us a clear framework for how love should flow:

1. Love God first. He is the source of love, and everything starts with Him.
   
   

2. Love others. We’re called to serve, encourage, and uplift others—not just ourselves.
   
   

3. Love yourself. You are valuable, worthy, and created in His image—but you are not the center.
   
   

God doesn’t ask you to neglect yourself. He’s not against self-care or healing. But He is against self-obsession—anything that puts you on the throne instead of Him.

Let’s be clear: loving yourself the way God intended is not sinful. It’s not prideful. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.

But it becomes a problem when:

• You spend more time affirming yourself than you do worshiping Him
  
  

• You trust your own wisdom over His Word
  
  

• You serve your preferences more than your purpose
  
  

Godly self-love is rooted in identity—knowing who you are in Him. It leads to humility, not arrogance. It leads to surrender, not self-rule.

Here are a few heart-check questions you can ask yourself today:

• Do I seek God first in my decisions, or do I follow my feelings?
  
  

• Am I avoiding conviction by calling it “boundaries”?
  
  

• Is my devotion time consistent, or has “me time” taken over my quiet time?
  
  

• Do I love others well, or am I so focused on healing that I’ve isolated myself?
  
  

These are hard questions—but necessary ones. God isn’t asking you to deny your healing. He’s just asking to stay first in your heart as you heal.

Let’s reframe what biblical, God-honoring self-love looks like:

• It starts with surrender. Before anything else, you yield your heart, desires, and will to God.
  
  

• It’s covered in grace. You forgive yourself, extend patience to yourself, and receive God’s mercy.
  
  

• It includes boundaries—but not walls. You protect your peace without blocking people God sent.
  
  

• It leads to purpose. You use your gifts, not for your glory, but to serve others and reflect Christ.
  
  

• It grows in His presence. Your confidence comes from time spent with the One who made you.
  
  

I’ll be honest—I didn’t always see the danger in how I was loving myself. I thought I was doing what every “strong woman of faith” should do. Setting boundaries. Choosing peace. Prioritizing myself after years of neglect.

But God had to check me. I realized I was starting to love the idea of healing more than the Healer. I was spending more time scrolling through affirmations than reading my Bible. I thought I was forgiving people quick but I was still feeling hurt.

One night I was listening to a prayer on the Hallow app about humility read by Jonathan Roumie, I felt that I was not humble at all, so I decided to work on being more humble.

Then I watched a video about love relationships on Marietv and the guest was Matthew Hussey, and when he talked about self love, I felt that I needed to work on that too. Because clearly I didn’t love myself or others enough.

Then later I realized that God was telling and showing me that I needed to love myself the way He did!

He showed me that self-love without Him at the center was just another distraction.

And so, I chose to reorder my heart. Every day, I ask Him:

“God, am I putting You first today?”

And when I do, everything else falls into place.

If you’re ready to realign your love and keep God at the center, here are some simple, faith-filled steps:

Before checking your phone or affirming yourself, pray this:

“God, today I choose You first. Help me love myself and others the way You love me.”

Let Scripture shape your identity, not just social media trends.

Verses like Psalm 139:14 and Romans 12:2 are great places to start.

Are your affirmations glorifying God—or glorifying self? Shift “I am powerful” to “His power is made perfect in me.”

Humility grows when you step out of your own bubble and start loving others sacrificially—even when it’s hard.

Devotion is where God reshapes your heart. It’s where healing becomes holy.

If this message hit home, you’re not alone. We all drift from time to time. But the beautiful thing is—God is always ready to reorder our love when we invite Him in.

That’s why I created the Choose Him 30-Day Devotional. It’s not just about Bible reading. It’s about choosing Him first—every single day—and letting that choice reshape how you love, live, and lead.

Ready to reset your heart? Start the journey today.